Every parent knows their under-fives behaviour can range from tricky to explosive, but since the pandemic the changes in the way we live and socialise are creating insidious changes in our children’s ability to thrive. The building blocks of their emotional lives are being weakened by aspects of the world around them, creating changes in their neurology and how they interact with the adults around them.
For children, the pandemic world must have seemed a scary and unpredictable place. Studies show that thousands of households purchased pets this period; a woman I know purchased a dog who barely left the house, went on short walks with the family and was wary of occasional visitors. She reflected that her dog’s behaviour may have been due to his limited socialisation, both in the house and in the wider world. Canine environmental anxiety is something widely studied, so imagine the impact of this strange time on the youngest human beings in our society? We had recommendations from experts, trying to make informed decisions about how best to support and educate children in an environment none of us had experienced before!
What do the trends show?
Psychologists are still gathering child and adolescent data from the pandemic, however early findings show increased levels of distress, worry and anxiety in our school-aged and pre-school children. Their discomfort presents differently across the age-range and individual circumstances, but the overview is clear: greater levels of generalized anxiety, worry about the future, despondency and an overall sense of mistrust. These impacts are felt within the child individually, in the context of the family and within the educational setting. Record numbers of children of school age are opting out of attending school entirely, which usually starts as unofficial arrangements, leading to full non-attendance, or emotional-based school anxiety (EBSA).
Can pre-schoolers really feel anxious?
As early years settings tend to be less structured and more play-oriented than schools, pre-schoolers don’t appear to experience the anxiety in the same way as kids who attend schools. Also, pre-schoolers are generally more compliant to parental requests to get ready for nursery-school. If they do have worries or concerns, they may be less able to express them. This does not mean pre-schoolers are any less anxious or distressed than older children, but their discomfort is more often expressed through behavioural displays often attributed to temper tantrums and other causes.
Disobedient or dysregulated
Understanding or decoding a child under five can be tricky: just when we think we’ve nailed their language, they surprise us by being articulate or able to express a complex theme, mostly we just need to listen. For some children emotional difficulties can trigger a reduced use of their language skills, they regress into ‘baby-talk’ or shouting. Language or more specifically speaking, is perceived as a demand which they push against because their needs aren’t being met. This is where we need to slow everything down and put our detective hats on. According to Speech Language Therapist and Founder of Language Waves, Warda Farah’s research on “wait time,” demonstrates that when adults deliberately extend pauses after asking questions, children’s responses may become more complex and thoughtful. “Research in education does not support such a simple reading, studies on classroom silence show that students use silence for processing, thinking and self-protection, particularly in high pressure environments.” Silence, in other words, can be cognitive work.
In my recent experiences in primary school, children show up in two distinct camps: Those who react well to change and those who are resistant to the tiniest hint of change, and everything in between. Youngsters with additional needs (diagnosed or undiagnosed) are known to prefer predictable schedules and tend to struggle more with transitions. However, it seems that more children are experiencing change as the enemy behind the door.
There are stages in early years development where we can miss the trauma. Trauma isn’t always the big-ticket dramatic event; for many children it could be an enforced physical absence from their key care givers, emotional absence, neglect, weak attachments to care-givers, living in an environment that doesn’t feel safe, or being reminded of situations where they were in danger. Whatever the reason, the child’s sense of emotional security is destabilised, resulting in behaviours which educators and caregivers may describe as challenging. For example, if your setting is constantly noisy, with raised voices, sudden bangs, screams and sobs, this may trigger significant distress for some children. Youngsters who have experienced domestic violence, family migration, poverty, life in a war zone, unexpected grief or loss, may react to these sounds as triggers.
Examples of pre-school distress which look 'behavioural'
- Shouting/raised voices
- Unexplained tears
- Stamping, lashing or kicking out
- Throwing items or even punches
- Prolonged silence or disengagement
- Highly distressed, inconsolable
We have constructed our early years settings as places where children can learn and socialise. In our busy and complex daily lives, an early year’s setting can trigger cognitive overload. A calmer environment where children can decompress or even take a break from social interaction, might help soothe rattled nervous systems.
How are neurodivergent children coping?
For children with additional needs, having a regular caregiver to understand their individual needs will vastly reduce their anxiety. That relationship can transform a child’s emotional growth, their learning capacity and ability to regulate their responses when things get tricky. Undiagnosed children may also react in an exaggerated way when they’re stressed, so your tailored support will be most helpful, especially if all parties agree the strategy for support moving forward.
Lack of ability to vocalise their frustration
Early years is a time of exponential change in terms of child psychological development; new language and cognitive skills are acquired, physical growth, but what else are they learning? The rules of human relationships and how ‘behaviour is a communication’. Due to current or past situational experiences, some children are learning that certain behaviours are effective at getting attention, gaining control, receiving love and security…our pre-schoolers are becoming experts at these differing relational techniques. What’s most interesting is that in some cases, the old techniques of rewards and bribery simply do not work. Why not? Because children have learned that these interactions are transactional, they have learned to negotiate for more: more screen time, more sweets, more everything and create havoc if it isn’t granted. Why? Because we, the parent carer, teachers, nursery managers have become more emotionally fragile too! Finally, studies indicate children’s literacy and oracy skills appear to be declining, a shortened attention span, as they are used to faster gratification from their screens and the adults around them.
How can we regain the trust and patience of pre-schoolers in pre-school or home settings?
The seven-step plan:
1. Ensure a programme of social and emotional literacy (SEL) is a key daily practice.
2. Develop daily and inclusive speech, language and communication practice, ideally ability-based rather than age-based.
3. Be cognisant of childhood trauma and ensure all staff mindfully create a low-intensity environment.
4. Encourage a daily nurture practice to build relationships between staff and children and children with each other.
5. Learn and practice non-invasive de-escalation techniques.
6. Utilize inclusive books and games and other resources to build understanding between the children and children and staff.
7. BONUS tip: Support staff to avoid burnout - work hard at creating a welcoming and supporting space where good professionals will want to work and stay for a long time!
When a child is shouting or obviously dysregulated, it’s useful to validate and name what you are seeing. Normalise extreme emotions, with the acceptance that all emotions have a function. Just keeping still or speaking quietly can help. In the heat of the moment is not the time to raise your voice, ask questions or make sudden movements.
Reminders:
- One strategy won’t necessarily work for all children; you will need to take into account the age and development stage of the child.
- Neurodivergence presents uniquely in each child, autism, ADHD have specific traits and presentations, but you will need to consider the individual child, their personality and their daily experience, taking care not to make assumptions.
- As a key carer, nurturer and educator, your engagement is not only in that moment, you are helping to shape that child’s core memories and beliefs. Help them to see the best of themselves and believe they have unlimited potential.
Because they do.
Reading guide
1. “Mental Health Foundation: Impacts of lockdown on the mental health of children and Young People.” *Schools Week
2. Children & Young people Speaking and listening 2025 Report (National Literacy Trust, 2025).
3. 2025 YouGov survey for GL Assessment ‘A staggering 89% of teachers have reported a decline in speech and language skills in children and these are immediately apparent upon starting school.’
© Suzy Rowland, Founder happyinschoolproject CIC
